Bloody Nails and Broken Hearts [Open]

[KATRINA ROBYN MATTHEWS]

she couldn’t quite understand the big fuss that was made out of birthdays, it was an odd tradition and she was pretty sure no other species of animal celebrated it. it would have been far easier if everyone was just marked as child, teenager, young adult and so on until they reach a pensioner. then you could just guess. She shook her head to his question. “nope, never really celebrated them so it’s hard to keep track.” her first family had, she had been having birthdays up until the age of six however there was always something in the way or they would just forget, kat would even go through quite extensive means to avoid celebrating her birthday as a child. even at young age she knew that birthdays were just large gatherings of family, one birthday she had celebrated with a new family was utterly rubbish. a whole bunch of people that had absolutely nothing to do with her had shown up and introduced themselves as uncle and aunties. she didn’t even call her adoptive parents by their position so like hell were these strangers going to get any further. katrina would simply refer to them as their given names even as they corrected her every single time. birthdays were mind numbingly dull. saying that there weren’t many events that kat enjoyed, christmas was always so bloody forced. she recalled one christmas with her most recent family, her and jay had stayed up christmas eve drinking and were still wasted in the morning. her influence on the boy didn’t go down well despite him being the senior.

a parent’s ability to be totally blind astonished her still. they would see their children in an absolutely deranged light, they were worse than half of the nut cases here. the amount of times she had been blamed for something both she had jason did was unbelievable but because he was the child of this family, the one his parents had watch grow up and all, he was just the innocent getting dragged into everything. it didn’t bother kat, not any more. it in fact turned out to be quite a good thing, it gave her reason to be pissed off at the boy and when kat was pissed off it usually lead to one of her favourite activities. the vast majority of her scars were in fact left by her sexual relationship with her adopted brother, luckily though kat didn’t consider him her brother. that would have been a little odd though probably not beneath her.

his story was fascinating however he hadn’t stopped where she wished him to. now that was hardly the full story but she would put up with it for now. clearly she would have to play fair with this guy instead of bombarding him with questions. she frowned, when did it all start for her? that was a weirdly hard question, she didn’t know when it started, there didn’t seem to be any distinction between what she used to be and what she was now. in fact it seemed to be more of a gradual development. kat shrugged and rugged fingers through her hair rather awkwardly, biting her bottom lip she took a moment before she actually replied. “i don’t know, i was always a fuck up ya’know?” she paused a moment longer, as if waiting for him to answer her question however it wasn’t one that required an answer. Instead she was stalling, trying to make up some time as she tried to figure out how she could explain her life in quite simple terms. there was always a massive paper trail behind her, all the adoptions made for a decent amount of paper work and it was that which often saved her from sharing her life story. she hadn’t mat many people who took an interest in her background unless a therapist and they never got anywhere with it.

“when I was six my rents got rid of me ‘cause i was too much of a handful and it just went on after there, family after family. never really bonded with anyone. one lasted a year though, was pretty settled there but i went into an asylum when i was seventeen…transferred recently ‘cause they couldn’t handle me.”there, that was it, she actually smiled a little at how simple it all sounded but she had stumbled and stuttered her words terribly as they were coming out. most things she was comfortable to talk about in great detail but her past always seemed a little dodgy or well pitiful. clearly most would assume she was a task just because of the amount of homes she had been through and the fact that she considered a year with the same family to be a settled home. it was awkward as hell but at least she had made an attempt to keep to the agreement of answering his questions. “your dad…what was he like? was he proud of you when you joined the army?” now that she had gone through such effort in stringing not only a sentence together but a good few she expected to get more information about him. kat was a fan of speaking very little, or at least keeping what she did say short. she could hardly narrow her past down to a single sentence though.

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[BENJAMIN KANST]

After his eighteenth birthday, it didn't really matter how old he was anymore. And really, that was the only age that mattered. Once he was legal, he was on his own. But still, his birthday's were some of his best memories. Just a year after they were married, Ben and Alice had spent all day, just lying in bed. It wasn't the sex that made it great but just the fact that they didn't have a care in the world. Even when he wasn't home, Alice would always find someway to do something special, be it a birthday or the holidays. And then of course there was JJ. Ben had practically counted each day his son was alive. Looking back though, he hadn't been a very good father. He was young and incredibly foolish when he married. His son had brought him down to Earth but Ben was never around. Maybe it was better that JJ was gone. He remembered what it was like to never see his father. They were constantly moving around too and after a while, he had given up on trying to make friends. Hell, it was a pure stroke of luck that he even met Alice. He would never understand what she saw in him. But he wasn't going to put his son through the same thing he did growing up. He deserved better than what Ben could give him.

That was it? He was almost shocked by the brief edition of her life. It was considerably shorter than he expected. And the way she said it made if sound so, simplistic. Like it was something that happened to everyone. 'What, they just decided to send you to an asylum?" The short summary had left him with more questions but he decided to stick with just the one, for now. He watched carefully during the silence. What was his dad like? "I dunno, he was my dad. Strict, treated me more like his colleagues than anything. And I respect him more than I love him. He always said joining the Army was the best thing I ever did. I shouldn't have though. Shoulda run away while I had the chance." He didn't want to stop now. It was almost comforting to get it all out, to finally tell his side of the story. "I was miserable being in the Army. But uh, Alice really changed that." He was craving for a cigarette right now, or drink would have done nicely. "Beautiful girl. Naive too, I guess, otherwise she wouldn't have married me. And then we had our son, JJ." Ben laughed and shook his head. "I don't even know what the hell made us name him that. God, I don't even know what it stands for. But, having a kid really changes things. I really thought I caught a break there too." He swallowed audibly, he'd never told anyone this part. "And then I got sent back for a second tour in Iraq."

All his doubts about this girl seemed to go away. Fuck, he didn't even care anymore. If she wanted to know, then he was going to tell her. He was just hoping that this would give him some closer, finally get over it. "It was only suppose to be a simple scouting mission. Guess that's why we were so caught off guard. I don't know what they were trying to accomplish by taking us hostage, we were low on the totem pole. They said it was a week we were held there. I've never knew it was possible to be in so much pain." He closed his eyes, just narrating the flashbacks now. He knew his story didn't make much sense but he'd seen it play out so many times, it felt like common knowledge to him. "Finally, Ian couldn't take it anymore. He tried getting us out, he was a good guy. I could hardly walk but he got us out. I didn't even see the gun. I should have warned him. I watched him die and I couldn't do anything." Ben sighed, his face contorted as if he was trying to keep from crying. But there were no tears. "Spent another two weeks in the hospital and they said I was ready to go home. I'd served my time, honorable discharge."

This was the part where he wasn't sure how to put it in words. "Alice tried helping me. But I couldn't get the images out of my head. I couldn't sleep without seeing all the people I killed." He suddenly turned to face Kat. "Do you know what it's like to kill?" It was exhilarating the first time. Then I felt guilty the second time. And then when I started losing track, I felt numb. I didn't even feel anything when I killed Alice and JJ." Wow, that sounded strange when he said it out loud. "She told me that JJ might not have been my child. And I snapped. I don't even remember pulling the trigger." The tears he had been trying so hard to keep back were threatening to fall again. "And then JJ was there, staring at me. I had to kill him. I couldn't let him live knowing he watched his mother die." A single tear fell and Ben quickly wiped it away. "I don't even understand why I was so angry. Alice had every right to find comfort in someone else. I was never around. I truly love her though."

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[KATRINA ROBYN MATTHEWS]

“no.” it was quick and blunt, almost as if the question he had asked was so silly. “i was seeing jay my brother, well not my brother since i was only adopted but the son of the family i was with, he was fucked up…kind of brought out the fucked up side of me even more, loved it when it suited him but then i hurt his mother and he turned on me, called the cops.” she was clearly still bitter about the event despite being several years ago. she had in fact been clinging to the hope that he would one day go insane enough to land himself in a nut house and if luck was going her way it would be the same one she was in. kat didn’t often plot the death of others, not when she was serious about it. she would sit around thinking of interesting ways she could kill people but it wasn’t often carried out. despite hurting so many she had only killed one, her therapist. it was quite ghastly as well instead of creative, she had pretty much jammed anything she could force into him through his skin and slice his throat. he was found in a bloody mess though the girl still maintains it was for self defence. he came at her and she didn’t like people getting close to her when it wasn’t she who initiated it. if a stranger was to do as she does to others she would go nuts. she chewed her bottom lip, in annoyance more than anything as she tried to direct her thoughts away from Jason and that fucker of a therapist. she liked this place more maybe his death was rather a good thing, maybe she should have therefore liked him because he did such a good thing for her?

she was listening to his story without interruption, and although the information sunk in and became stored for her to later ponder, her attention was elsewhere. on his expression. he looked to be in pain as he spoke to her and she was fascinated at what could cause him so much distress, not only emotionally but physically. she assumed he was hurt, she gathered that much from what he said and her thought process came to an abrupt halt when she heard the word pain, hostage, all words that would be seen as being negative…words that exited her. “what did they do to you?” she was quite good at sounding curious yet nonchalant, her other motives were kept well hidden as she still played on being quite harmless for now. she had to fight a smile when he asked her that question, keeping her expression from grinning like a banshee she instead didn’t reply. going by statistics he was actually worse than her, at least in her strange little world, he had killed two people, one of whom was a child. kat had of course only killed one that she knew about, maybe she had talked a few strange depressed folk to make the final jump but that certainly wasn’t at her hand. they died because they wanted to, katrina was merely supportive of their decision. she had guarded the door and watched as a boy slit his wrists, she had seen a few people overdose and the had watched one in fascination as they jumped from the roof off her last asylum. she liked the messy ones best.

killing someone with a gun sounded kind of boring though, it was all over far too fast. kat was a wannabe scientist at heart, she would poke around and have a good old nose at things. it was a beautiful topic, there was so much pain and distress involved in it, it was actually rather arousing for our resident oddball. the girl frowned and turned towards him. “you think she had a right to cheat on you? whilst you were stuck doing something you didn’t want to do, you don’t think she should have been supportive…loyal?” her brow furrowed though frankly she didn’t give a shit but she was just trying to work him up again, get him angry or upset eye. she liked him better when he was angry and so she tried her best to get a reaction. kat quickly figured though she’d kill too birds with one stone and amuse herself along the way. her hand had moments before rested almost comfortingly against his knee however now she gently pushed them down giving her room to turn and twist one leg over him. she straddled his lap, a position that gave him absolutely no personal space, something she rather enjoyed depriving people of. one hand twisted into his shirt to keep a decent grip on him whilst the other balanced herself and pressed against the well. “the only reason you felt numb was because you were merely killing because you had to, you were doing to for all the wrong reasons.”

her hand shifted gently from her wall, her motions all fluid and cautious as if worried she would startle him, moving like this often gave her a few more seconds before someone decided to freak out and toss her off. sadly she didn’t have the brute force to keep people down but instead she would just have to wait until they bolted like a timid horse. “when you get it right, when killing is…murder, it feels better…orgasmic.” she gave a sadistic smile, her fingers gripping into his hair as she pushed her hips into his as if to further explain, as if he would actually need explaining to do. clearly she had fucked up this whole being nice and patient thing but it was his own fault, he had gotten her all exited with his talk of death and murder. she now knew he would absolutely freak out, she had read him well so far she saw no surprises coming up unless he too was secretly just as twisted as her. for a moment he seemed like maybe he could be, his fist kill exited him yet that seemed to have been loss. such a devastating thing really though it didn’t bother her. even if his reaction wouldn’t satisfy certain needs she was sure she would get one hell of a kick out of him getting angry or scared, or both if she was lucky. she could be rather seductive when she wanted to be, the way she moved in such a feline like way, it may have actually been quite attractive if she didn’t speak of such ghastly things as well. ”you act like such a wounded solider but i think you like the grief, you like the pain ‘cause without it you’d feel fuck all.”

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[BENJAMIN KANST]

Incest? Now that was something he was not expecting, especially since she just said that her parents left her when she was six. Ben cringed at the thought, He fell silent, listening to her talk. Ah, no it was only her adopted brother. Now they were getting somewhere. He couldn't help but smirk at her explanation. It didn't really surprise him though, he could see the violent person underneath that innocent exterior. He was almost positive there was a lot more she was hiding from him. She wasn't going to be like him and spill her story, no she'd closed up far too much for him to try to know her. "Did you love him?" Stupid question really. He was curious about how she would respond to that. An individual like her wouldn't understand what it meant to be loved. Maybe she had the notion that she loved her adopted brother but Ben doubted that she truly had any feelings for him. As he thought about his own question, he began to question his own relationship with Alice. Was it love or convenience that led them to each other? They just needed each other's company. A devotion to each other had formed later in their relationship, it was physical need that had first attracted him to her though.

He was right, there was something about getting it all out that put him at ease. He felt almost relaxed to know that there was someone else who knew. Keeping it all to himself, being alone in his own self-pity was starting to grow old. He longed for someone else to share his pain. It was becoming such a burden. But her question had touched a subject that was even more personal that Alice. This was something he'd never told anyone, the only other person who knew what happened that week was dead. "I don't remember." It was a clear lie, he remembered every single second of it. That had been his cover story, he claimed to have brief amnesia about that one week. The doctors believed him, according to them the trauma did that to people. He was fully aware of what happened though. But that was something that he wasn't ready to tell her. "It put me in the hospital for two weeks though." He said it as if that was enough for her imagination. It was a damn miracle he even survived. Though the torture itself had left very few scars, there were still signs of the pain. The broken leg and ribs had healed decently. His back had several thin, white scars from the lash of a whip. He took care to hide them well though, he didn't need prying questions.

No that wasn't it, she had no right to cheat on him. But in all his thought, he had convinced himself that he was the one to blame, not her. He had cast out all the bad memories of her, only choosing to keep select memories of her. He had made himself out to be the tragic hero of their story but hadn't reached an epiphany yet, no he was still in the guilt stage. "She was supportive. But I can't blame her for being lonely. She wanted me to get out of the Army when we first got married. But I couldn't leave it. My entire life was in the Army." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I should have left the second I had the chance. If I listened to her, none of this would have happened." As her hand rested on his knee, it was comforting. He leaned closer to her, thankful for the company, however twisted it may have been. And that was when he let his guard down. She'd already broken him psychologically and it didn't take much to physically overpower him. His entire body tensed as she sat in his lap, all his instincts were screaming for him to throw her off and get the hell out. But he couldn't. Even if he may have been the stronger individual, mentally he wasn't strong enough to throw her off. His heart pounded at her words and his hand reached to grab her wrist, the other against her shoulder.

What the hell did she think was doing? He hadn't expected to see this side of her. A soft groan escaped his lips as her hips ground into his. Was he actually...excited by this? That was a thought that frightened him. Killing had never been a sport for him. It was never something that was thrilling. No, it was an automatic response, programmed to kill to survive, not for fun. This sudden change scared him and the only way he knew how to respond to that was with anger. In a single motion, he flipped their positions. He pressed her wrist against the wall and the palm of his hand shoved her shoulder away from him. "And you think there's a right reason to kill? You think this is...fun? Like some fucking sport?" Her next words only fueled his anger. There was no way he possibly liked the sorrow. He stood up, his hand curled around the fabric of her tanktop. He pulled her up with him, slamming her back against the wall. He was yelling now, he knew he was. A part of him knew she was right, he wanted to feel something, anything. Even if it was complete agony, he needed something to know that he was still alive. "I don't enjoy the grief or the pain. But it makes me feel human. I don't want to be numb!" He was either about to cry or punch her, at this point he couldn't decide. There was no difference between his anger and sorrow.

Both his hands were gripped around the white fabric now, his knuckles were turning white and he could feel his nails digging into his skin, even through the shirt. It took him a long time to realize what he was doing. "I just want to feel anything. I don't want to close my eyes anymore. I don't want to see their faces. I just want it all to end." His hands were still curled up into fists but they had relaxed and were now resting gently on her collarbone. His entire body was almost leaning on hers, like he didn't have the strength to hold himself up anymore. Any motion or comment from her would only stir his anger at this point. He hated how she was right. The way every single one of her fucking questions was spot on.

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[KATRINA ROBYN MATTHEWS]

she glanced across at him raising a single brow once more as if he had just asked the most retarded question ever. She had loved what she was able to do to him, she loved what he did in return and she absolutely adored every scar he had left on her but loving him, an actual person was beyond her ability. every time she had felt her cold heart dwindle or even start to allow the poor boy through she would hurt him as if in punishment for making her actually feel something. everything turned to anger, to violence and therefore it was a possibility that she did love him yet for her mind to register that it was something along the lines of affection was just beyond her abilities. kat had a great number of pretty nifty skills however she seemed to have sacrificed all those warm and cuddly emotions for them. “don’t be stupid.” she spoke through gritted teeth, despite the utter hatred she now felt for the boy she still liked to talk about him for it brought back all of those memories and it hurt like a bitch. she would openly admit to enjoying the agonizing pain it had left behind, maybe she needed to enjoy more happiness for it quite often ended in hurt. instead of being guarded she would allow it to fall just to make her vulnerable for a little bit more emotional torture. “it was just something built on…common interests.” it was a perfect way to describe the relationship she had with jason, common interests. they both enjoyed the exact same things and he had also been the one to help her discover drugs and alcohol, she taught him how to really hurt another person. they both learned from the relationship only he had to be a complete shit and ruin it.

she was bummed out that the one thing she had most wanted to hear wasn’t being shared, it annoyed her, irked the shit out of her. all this work and for what? to be denied some of his most physically painful memories. well that was just bullshit. his reactions were quite unexpected though probably quite reasonable, he seemed beyond broken to be starting relationships in here so he was probably rather lacking in the whole sexual relations department. a point that she could well use to her advantage, also she had decided years ago that secretly, on some level everybody liked a bit of torture and it was always easiest to expose it sexually. she smiled at his groan, giving up on playing nice now she didn’t think twice before flashing a sadistic yet arrogant as fuck grin. not too fond of him taking over, at least he was reacting to her and it was bloody brilliant. “ever hunted game?” her question was rather blunt to argue his point, it was all the same thing really, animals, people, if they could hunt deer and foxes and other beasties for sport then why not people. why were there such different rules for the human race, their intellect was said to separate them so why could those superior in intellect not knock off those lower in the chain. it was survival of the fittest, it was natural. guns and things that blew up certainly weren’t hence her complete avoidance of them, she was actually scared shitless of one and one of the only things that could make her truly crumble without much effort was a firearm.

her jaw clenched and her breathing stopped for a moment as her back hit the wall, the self pity, the grief, she wasn’t so fond of that but ben was quite something when she pissed him off. “liar.” she taunted with hollow tones that had little emotion behind them. “all you lot are the same, you’re just as bad as those fucking self harmers only the scars you make just aren’t visible. you could have stopped torturing yourself the second you wanted to but did you? you thrive on it!” she smiled, this was far too enjoyable for words, this was exactly where she got all of her kicks from and for once there was some life behind those dead eyes, they would almost appear green rather than they’re deathly grey. She didn’t try to pull away from his grip, she didn’t want to. since being here she had gotten little attention, especially the attention she so craved and she was determined to make him continue. to push him to breaking point wherever that may occur. her breathing had increased, her pulse quickened several beats per minute and though he seemed absolutely oblivious she was fully aware of just how close she is. now this level of control was pathetic even for her, she wanted to hurt him but she also found this teary anger he seemed to be constantly fluxing through stupidly attractive. “the only person stopping you from feeling anything is you.”

she had wondered if anyone her told him the rather blunt truth, as far as it’s reliability went she didn’t care however if he was anything like her, he was blocking all these happy little things from getting through. “replace their faces with something else then.” it seemed so simple when she had said it and it would have been simple for her. maybe he could just kill somebody else to replace them so at least then be would feel guilt for someone he cared less about. maybe she would even go and scout for a victim for him if she decided to involve herself to that extent. she allowed her form to relax into the wall, one hand snaked up to trace the outline of his face, slowly ghosting the line of his jaw and then brushing against his lips. for someone who was such a bitch she could seem awfully affectionate at times, it was always more apparent when she was being physical. emotionally she was all over the place however it was harder to distinguish between her natural curiosity and her sadistic questions there to cause a person to recall painful memories. her hands sunk carefully down his torso until she got to the hem of his shirt, despite seemingly allowing the subject of his torture to drop she was still curious and wished to see if it left evidence. forcing herself not to just attempt to pull up his shirt to take a look she knew at least one way she could get his shirt off however that all depended on if he went for it. kat was now that little bit optimistic after her earlier reaction. her fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt though instead of lifting she pulled him towards her kissing him with pretty fierce passion. despite using physical contact as a decoy it was no less enjoyable and it was a little on the selfish side, she could have bribed him but this seemed more fun. drawing him as close as possible she was stretched up a little to reach his lips allowing her hips to be around the right height to push back into his with lust. now it was a win win, she got his anger then it would only excite her more and if he complied she got to see his scars and satisfy her wants. see, selfish.

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[BENJAMIN KANST]

Her response was all too expected. She was too young and had a far too chaotic life to know what it meant to love. Even he was starting to question if he understood what it meant. It was only a word now, love, hate, they were useless symbols of misread human emotions. The word was so casually thrown around now, that it had little meaning to it. If they were playing tennis, love would have meant nothing. The word was too versatile to even be used anymore. All that soulmate bullshit was invented by a bunch of lonely losers trying to convince themselves they wouldn't be alone for the rest of their lives. He scoffed at her next statement. Every relationship was based on common interests. Opposites attract, fuck that, those never lasted. "You liked him enough for it to hurt when he ruined the relationship though." There must have been some part of her that knew what betrayal felt like. He hated not being in control of his emotions. Fear, sadness, he could deal with those. But his anger was a different story. His temper was much like his father's, patient until he suddenly snapped. All the talk about the torture only brought back the memories he had tried hardest to forget. Alice, JJ, that was something he forced himself to deal with. What happened in Iraq was the one thing he refused to deal with. And now, her fucking questions had brought them back. He could almost feel the electricity coursing through his body, the taste of blood filling his mouth. The scars were a taunting reminder. Her question confused him. What did that have to do with anything? It was a silly question, of course he had. That was how he learned to shoot. He paused for a second, "Yes, I have." He didn't think anymore of it though.

Liar. Was he lying? It was like she had some truth that he needed to face. But he didn't know if it was the actual truth and he sure as hell didn't want to believe it. He tried closing his eyes, shutting her out. But that only led to the images playing like a broken record, over and over and over. "Shut up." He muttered softly at first. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" His grip intensified as he desperately tried to keep his hands from closing around her throat. "I can't stop it! The dead won't leave me alone. How am I supposed to feel anything but guilt?" The words were dancing around his head faster than he could spit them out. "You make it sound so simple. I want it to stop." He tore his grip away from her, afraid of getting close to her. She was the source of his misery and she wanted to get as far as possible from her. Turning his back on her, he held his head as if trying to contain something. His head was spinning and he felt sick, nauseous. His head pounded, his temples throbbing. "They just keep flashing in my mind. I can't sleep at night." She couldn't understand what it was like to fight the war. And she would never understand. "My entire life, I've only known how to fight, to survive, kill if necessary. And now what? I come home and I'm suddenly supposed to be normal?!?" He was just going off now. There was no point to his rant. His mind flashed briefly to the tattoo situated below his collarbone, never give up. And that was exactly what he had been raised to do. "I don't know what else I'm supposed to do to stop the guilt. They won't fucking stop."

He spun around on his heel, a confused look in his eyes. His breath was coming in ragged gasps as he tried to calm himself. "Replace them with what?" It sounded so simple. "Replace my son's face with, oh I don't know, maybe the sixteen-year old Iraqi boy I shot down because he wouldn't put down the gun. Or maybe the ten innocent civilians I watched get blown into bits by a suicide bomber?" As if he hadn't already tried that, everything would just lead back to the death, back to the murders. With a long stride, he was in front of her again. "Is that who I'm supposed to replace the faces with? You don't think I've tried that?" He hissed, the anger still clear in his voice. One hand was pressed against her throat now, not enough pressure to cut off airflow but enough to let her know his intentions. Any hope of self control was gone now, he felt angered by his fear, fearful of his sadness and saddened by his anger. It was one mindfuck of emotions that he couldn't deal with. Her comforting touch only confused him more. Did he like her for making him face the truth, or did he hate her for bringing it up? A shiver ran up his spine as her hands ran down his chest. As much as he hated her for what she was doing, he couldn't deny that he longed for a woman's touch. He let out a shuddering breath, his hand now resting at the base of her skull. Ah fuck, what was she playing at? "What are you d-"

And the next second, her lips were against his, a false passion behind them. As wrong and inappropriate as it was, the kiss felt incredibly right. He wanted to kill her right now and then here she was, her body against his and he was lusting for her. One hand fell to the small of her back as the other one tangled in her messy, brown hair. His eyes closed as he lost himself in kiss. He didn't know how he felt now. And suddenly, his hand was around her throat, pushing her away. He broke off the kiss, pulling himself away. Ben stumbled back a few steps, letting his hand fall from her throat. He seemed unaware of what just happened. Completely lost. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, as if trying to comprehend what he had been doing. "Oh god, what am I doing?" He backed up until he felt himself collide with a couch. No, this wasn't what he wanted. It was supposed to be a distraction, coming to living room. He just wanted to be alone, this was way more than he bargained for. He couldn't bring himself to look at her as he tried to wrap his mind around it. It'd been so long since he had any type of physical contact like that, not since Alice. He didn't even know he had it in him to want someone like that.

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[KATRINA ROBYN MATTHEWS]

she glared at him, it was perfectly fine for her to pick him to pieces however she didn’t take kindly to it being done in return. jason was someone she didn’t want to share, not even her memories of the boy because she liked to keep them at arms length from her own head. It just pissed her off, everything was so fucking perfect and she could even make a few people believe she was normal, all of her strange lusts and wants were satisfied by one person. that was what it was like in most relationships she figured only hers was bound to come to an end, she just figured it would be from a fatality not from something as stupid as it had been. trying to kill his mother was not something she saw as being her fault, the bint tried to blame her for the odd ways in which her son had started to behave. it was a horrid little cycle, they would encourage each other’s anger, to the extent that the family around them started to notice however this anger was happier than she had ever been. It was bordering on perfect. it was strange to think that the more dysfunctional a relationship was the greater the success kat considered it. “i was pissed off.” she wasn’t giving into any of her emotions, she never had when he was considered. after getting sent to her first asylum she had taken it out on everyone else but that just gave her a pretty vicious reputation. she was now back to her calculating self so you could argue that what hurt was caused was now healed. katrina didn’t recall showing much hurt, even when he called the police, her exact words, or word rather was ‘fucker’ as she heard sirens and that was pretty much it. there was no thrashing no yelling, the had tried to gouge out the eyes of an officer but that was a natural reaction when police were brought into the picture.

after a while of telling people their secrets and things that few others would pick up on, it was amazing what they would consider afterwards. maybe she could even get him to question his gender if she tried hard enough however that wasn’t a game she wanted to play. she remained silent as his talking had turned to shouting and he pulled away from her. like a child you had to allow people to ride out their tantrums, there was no use cutting across him or jumping in because well…it was too fucking funny. her lips pursed as she patiently watched him, even taking the time to curl loose brown waves of hair around her finger and allow them to bounce free of her grip. it was all very casual for someone who was watching another person go through quite a traumatic episode but his back was too her, she didn’t need to force some expression of interest as he poured his heart out. when he turned back to face her and spoke though she smiled subtly. If he wasn’t into mental torture he would have run from the room a good while ago. she just shrugged as if they were talking about something rather normal and shrugged it off with rather a simple comment. “whatever helps you sleep at night i guess.” she didn’t care what he tried replacing the faces with, she had offered suggestions but helping people usually wasn’t in her criteria. kat was infuriating, she could seem full of wisdom one moment and then suddenly loose interest just because she didn’t fancy trying to actively help someone.

she was far better with more physical activities though just as infuriating. she had certain skills that apparently made her quite attractive, she was able to get people so to speak however they always seemed to hate themselves and her for it as well. it was an odd sort of relationship she shared with many, something similar to what seemed to be developing with ben. he wasn’t like any sane person should be doing and walking away but instead he stayed and he seemed to be blaming kat to some degree. She wasn’t going to argue though, hell, she was rather enjoying it. she had moaned softly into the kiss, it was almost normal of at least the more normal side to the girl, she could be rather delicate at times. her fingers worked their way under his shirt to touch bare flesh, nails clawing gently at the skin just teasing it but not enough to hurt. within moments and far too soon though it was over and before she had a chance to react properly her hand was at her own throat as she tried to figure out what had just changed. watching him carefully she smiled when he questioned his own actions. she could have replied to that in quite literal terms yet she chose to avoid doing the obvious. pacing up to him she didn’t touch him however she got dangerously close. “you were doing what you craved though something tells me you’re not used to doing what you want.” she teased rather harshly, her fingers touched his jaw line however she didn’t give him another chance to lash out. quickly retracting the touch she moved away and instead went to sit on the couch.

her body language relaxed, as if nothing had just happened and she peered across the room with little interest in anything. “you know ben, you need to be more impulsive, more reckless.” why? because it was so damn boring otherwise of course. she liked his rather fiery side though not when it was being used to shove her away, now that just spoiled all of her fun. for now she had seemingly given up on intruding his personal space. a test if you like, if he still wanted her company, even if he didn’t know he did, he wouldn’t leave. maybe he would even sit down again however she was giving him a clear chance to leave her to it. having no effect on her she would simply find other amusement however that wasn’t to say she had given up on him. her eyes didn’t once focus on him however what had happened left them rather alert and full of life, enthusiasm and everything that conflict did to her. she had seen little of it since being here and it’s presence had awoken her from her dull slumber, she wanted to be entertained or more specifically she wanted to play some more with ben. kat didn’t get attracted to people in the normal way, she didn’t get crushes but instead she got an intense desire to mess with someone. quite sweet really if you extracted all of the pain. the girl even made the effort to curl her hair around her fingers in apparent nonchalant boredom.

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[BENJAMIN KANST]

In some ways, they were oddly similar. They were both hiding their true emotions, covering them up, though she seemed to be much better at it than he was. At her glare, he chose to drop the subject. Clearly she it was a touchy subject and he wasn't one to delve. He could live without knowing what happened. And besides, he wasn't going to try and 'save' her soul or some stupid shit like that. If she felt fine the way she was, then he wasn't going to play therapist. That wasn't his job. It was a one way conversation they were having. It didn't seem like she wanted to share with him. But he could tell that he had hit a soft spot, she seemed to be thinking about whatever she wasn't telling him. And he had to wonder just how screwed up she really was. He would never understand how she was though, she wasn't going to let him close enough to do that. His pity for her was masked by the slight animosity he felt for her. In a way, he was almost jealous of her control. He couldn't control his mind, like it wasn't his thoughts anymore. When the police had come for him, he had been calm, even as they kicked down the door. But the second the barrel of a gun was pointed at him, something had snapped. It wasn't his house anymore, he was back in that goddamn desert, fighting. They said he killed two police officers before they were able to subdue him. And he was sure that if he was ever in that situation again, he wouldn't be able to control it again either.

No fucking help whatsoever. She wasn't listening to him. He felt like an idiot for telling her everything. A sudden sense of betrayal hit him, he had confided in her and he felt that at least he could get something in return. But the one thing he was glad about, she didn't pity him. He hated those who just wanted to give him a hug and tell him everything was going to be okay. Those were the liars. As much as he would have preferred an apologetic reaction from her, he was almost happy that she had acted like it was so minor, commonplace. He was tired of going off, there was no more he could say to her. Though he hated her simple comment, he convinced himself it was better that way. It wasn't worth his anger to yell at her, he had nothing left to yell about. Everything had been said that needed to be said or shouted. And in a way, he felt better. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It was out there now, he wasn't the only one who knew. And that was a good feeling.

For the short time it lasted, the kiss was satisfying. It seemed to quench the brief lust he experienced but it left a bitter taste, a longing for more. And that was what he didn't understand. He would admit she was attractive but so fucked up that he couldn't comprehend his feelings for her. Even as he pulled away, he could still feel her nails on his skin, the lingering feel of her lips. He'd been raised to be so old-fashioned that this sort of thing still took him by surprise. There she was again, so close to him. His heart felt like it was beating in his throat now. He was trying to convince himself that what he had just done was so wrong but he was having difficulty doing that because it didn't feel wrong. He enjoyed the sudden contact, the thrill of it all, but most of all, not being in control. She had initiated it, she was in control, not him. Her fingers were at his jawline and he brought his hand up as she moved away. A part of him was starving for her attention again. Then as suddenly as she had been near him, she was gone and he felt a certain...disappointment. Of course he wasn't used to doing what he wanted. In fact he had spent his entire life living someone's dream. His father, Alice. Was any of it what he wanted or was he just an insignificant pawn in a larger game? "Its never been about what I want." No, it never was. His father had this way of making him feel so selfish when he wanted to do things his way.

She was acting like nothing had just happened. It left him dazed and frustrated at her actions. Nothing was straightforward, it was making it very difficult for him to rationalize the situation. He moved to the couch perpendicular to the one she was on and sat down, quite baffled by all this. It was making his head hurt just thinking about it. He let his body fall onto the couch and he stretched himself out, staring at the ceiling. In all his motion, he hadn't realized the chain around his neck had shifted and the wedding band on the chain had fallen out. It rested on his collarbone and he was vaguely aware of its presence. He'd worn it for so long that he didn't even think about the silver band anymore. As she talked, he crossed his hands behind his head, blankly staring at the white ceiling. He smirked and shook his head at the word reckless. "I don't even know if I know how to be reckless." He wasn't even sure if he knew what it meant to be impulsive. Everything had always been so calculated and thought through. Even when he would drink, it was all part of a systematic plan. He did it because he knew it would piss his dad off and by angering his dad, he felt satisfaction in knowing that he wasn't the perfect son his dad wanted. All part of the plan. It was never based off of what he was feeling. Yet here he was, in the last five minutes she had managed to bring him to the point of breaking. He was sure if he had a gun in hand, he would have used it. It was all falling apart, the old system he had. Impulse was what had killed his wife. Systematic planning was what killed his son. And now she was suggesting he act recklessly, it was just another thing for him to contemplate.

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[KATRINA ROBYN MATTHEWS]

kat got just as much out of their brief encounter as he, she was a control freak especially when it came to her own existence. though it would seem her impulses lead to a rather chaotic lifestyle, that only lead to cement the sheer control she had over it. for these impulses were her own and they were what ruled her, her own thoughts, her own short lived ideas. rhere was no way she could allow herself to become a lamb in the pathetic flock, she needed to be something entirely different. some starved themselves, some hurt themselves to feel in control, kat usually just stuck to asserting her authority in minor ways such as having complete control over a situation. she didn’t like that control slipping from her grasp and could easily turn into a sulking child when it happened, either that or a raving lunatic. she wondered if he mourned the loss of the control his father had over him, his loss of that other person to blame seemed to have completely floored him to the extent of turning him into this emotional mess. of course the murders of his wife and child probably had something to do with his grieving however at least when it came to most other things he had another person to blame. he had to join the army because of his father, he had to kill opposing soldiers because otherwise he would have been killed. there seemed to be a lack of cause for his wife and child and a lack of a figure to blame it on besides himself. it could get complicated and string back to being the army’s fault for messing him up, his father’s fault for wanting him to join the army which messed him up. katrina sat for a few moments pondering in her own thoughts, her single track mind currently focused of the male in the room and absolutely everything he had told her. though she had appeared half arsed in conversation, it had all been absorbed for future use if need be.

“and now you don’t have anyone else to tell you what they want for you…you’re fucked.” she smiled a crooked smile, it would have been quite endearing if it wasn’t for the purpose of mocking him. this was exactly why she thrived upon the control she had, her habit of relying upon nobody but herself saved her from a world of grief that she just didn’t need. it would get in the way of more important matters. there had never really been anyone that had any control over her, she was absolutely nuts when younger and her biological parents wouldn’t dare try and tell her what to do. in an attempt to tame their young child during a particularly nasty tantrum, her father tried to drag her up the stairs and to her room. not being a fan of getting man handled even at such a delicate age she turned and bit him, digging her teeth in until the poor man was forced to fling his deluded child half way down the stairs just to break her grip on her hand. she had never been right but she had always been in control. maybe if she had been a part of a family where there were strict rules that were actually enforced she would have turned out in less of a state than she was. maybe, just maybe she would even be safe to be allowed into society yet like a rabid dog she was placed here. on one level she could see the need for it, she wasn’t so blind to think herself an adorable child who just wanted to be loved but instead saw herself in a painfully bright light. better than anyone else and my gosh was it a handful, putting up with all those thoughts she herself put into her head. she couldn’t blame anyone for this mess she had made of herself; of her sanity.

“you don’t get it do you?” she ran her fingers through her hair, tugging lightly as if he was giving her a world of stress. her legs sprawled against the couch now shifted to perch beneath her, giving her extra height as she sat on her knees and allowing her to shift a few inches in his direction to get her point across. for a nineteen year old girl she was pretty wise however most of this wisdom was absolutely horrific, it wasn’t the same as the grey haired martial arts masters you saw on films guiding people down the right paths but instead she tried to influence people in the direction that best suited her. she wanted to see ben behave in an uncontrolled manor, she wanted to see him tackled to the floor by staff just to know that if was something she may not have created but certainly influenced. kat thought everyone needed to be reckless to a degree, a degree to which they cared far less about inhibitions and besides, reckless people were more fun and easier to manipulate. “being here you have two choices, the first is to try you best, listen to the therapists and be a good boy but in reality that mourning, that guilt won’t go away. You’ll just learn to fade it out every now and again.” by the look of pure distaste on her expression this was certainly not the option she would advise. it was stupid, useless and totally pointless. allowing these doctors to feel as if they had cured someone when all they did was provide the grounds to allow a patients to conceal their deepest fears and regret.

she jumped from her seat and with grace cleared the small space between them and stood above his for once smaller frame. it was a rare event in which she found herself above someone else and quite an empowering one at that, being tall would have been pretty handy for someone of her character yet she was cursed to simply grab at opportunities like this. standing on the couch and peering down at him for a moment she then dropped to kneel facing him, still stealing some of that height. “on the other hand this place is like an entire society with it’s own fucked up population and in that fucked up population you’re expected to act in a totally different way. murder, rape, whatever the hell you’d consider to be a big deal is so much more common here so why should you still hold onto the norms that would were taught. fuck it, fuck them and just…do it.” that was the best advise she could give for being reckless, she used the word fuck in it’s many meanings far too much however at this moment in time there was no better word to use. there was something youthful in her enthusiasm like she had finally found how she was meant to be acting yet at the wrong moment in time. saying nothing more she still kept her position, always a little bit too close but her expression expectant, as if waiting for him to question her speech or decide he was going to comply with the latter of the choices she had given.

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[BENJAMIN KANST]

All the sudden realizations about himself were almost sickening. He did depend on other people. It was never his fault when things happened. And now that he was so alone, he had no one else to blame but himself. The sudden guilt and self-pity was what was bringing him down, he'd never had to deal with it and now that he did have to, he didn't know how. Not once in his life was he ever in control. He was only under the illusion that he was in control. Slowly, he was coming to grip with the fact that he needed someone else to be in control. His father, Alice, the Army, they told him what to do and he simply obeyed. Without that authority figure, he was like a lost puppy and currently, Kat was the only person offering him any type of dominance. He was too easy to manipulate in his fragile state and had done exactly that. He was beginning to question his every move now. Was anything he ever did what he wanted? Or was his entire life one giant lie? Like a punch to the gut, he was overwhelmed with the thought. Was he really so pathetic that he needed to have a dominating figure in his life in order to exist? The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Once Alice and JJ were gone, he had tried blaming the Army for sending him home. But at the trial, listening to the Army psychiatrist testify, everyone believed that Ben was at fault. It was his fault that he allowed himself to be forced into the army. It was his fault he was held hostage. And it was his fault that everything had fallen apart. The death of his family was only a side effect of his previous fuckups. That was when the blame was turned on himself.

It only confirmed his thoughts. She was right. He really was fucked. If she had made that statement any earlier, he would have reacted violently. But now he found himself nodding slowly in agreement. She was really starting to fuck with his mind now. That shy and innocent pretext was turning out to be a load of bullshit. She was manipulative as no other. But in all her screwy logic, she was starting to make sense to him. "Am I really that pathetic?" He laughed bitterly, fully expecting an ardent yes in reply. She made it sound like there was some great truth going around that he just happened to miss. No he really didn't get it. His fingers idly tangled in the chain around his neck as he listened to her. There was something empty about the simple metal chain. That was when he realized the dogtags were missing, he'd taken them off a long time ago and replaced it with his wedding band. It really was a silly keepsake but he kept it with him for some reason. He turned his attention back to Kat when he realized he had been blocking her out. What she was saying, was exactly what he had been intending to do. He was just going to cooperate with the therapists and hope they wouldn't brand him as crazy. Maybe then he would have a chance of getting out of this place.

But once again, she was right. The guilt wouldn't go away. Hell, the last therapist he had only intensified his guilt. But then again, it was an army psych. Her shadow blocked the light and Ben winced at the sudden darkness covering him. He blinked a few times as she knelt down next to him. Ben turned ever so slightly to face her, resting his head on his arm. Being here with all the other psychotic murders and rapists, made him...normal? Now he couldn't argue with that logic. He fit right in really. But he wouldn't even know where to start being reckless. Maybe he would be considerably less confused if he just gave into her. Fuck his plans, forget thinking. Clearly his old life wasn't working, It was time for a change and maybe this girl's logic was exactly what he needed. It couldn't possibly get any worse than his current situation, so why bother being the good guy? For once, he wanted to cut lose and not for any other reason than the fact that he could. He pulled his hand free of the chain and tousled his own hair. "Didn't think I'd say this but I think you're right." He chuckled and fell back against the pillow, staring at the ceiling again. "My entire life I've been trying to be the obedient soldier. It's mindblowing to think that maybe I've been wrong. I don't even know how I'm supposed to change this. I feel like there should be a method to the madness but that makes no sense."

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[KATRINA ROBYN MATTHEWS]

“aww,” she smiled at his question, her fingers tucking under his chin and pushing it up just slightly as she absolutely beamed at him like a child who had seen a little puppy in the street. “I think it’s sweet.” she wasn’t denying that he was pathetic, in fact she didn’t think he was pathetic at all but just more normal than she would have liked. Most normal people were controlled by something, even kat dare she admit probably had things that influenced her majority, people who influenced her. She liked people who were left with some amount of innocence and despite being in a war, trauma kat had never come close to, there were still some aspects of him that she found to be naïve. Even she herself was guilty of it though, there were certain things she was abnormally naïve about. Relationships for example and such feelings that went along with it, actual affection for another human that wasn’t just based on her own selfish wants. She had never felt like she loved another person though she herself liked to think that was a lack of naivety, those who found love were simply being fooled into believing in it. She missed the simpler times she had read about, when families married into each other for convenience and were quite open about their lack of love. Sure, at some point they would grow used to each other had feel some sort of affection towards each other but it was all a matter of selfish reasoning. Those who married for love were only fooling themselves however kat wasn’t such a bitter mess that she believed there wasn’t such a thing, instead she had decided that love meant different things to different people. It was said for different reasons and for some it was far more flippant and disposable than for others.

She could see physically the signs of what she had said sinking in, she liked it when what she said was clearly being taken seriously and ben appeared to be having a good think about her latter option. It was the most sensible and if she was going to be stuck here for a while she might as well have some company no matter how much she irritated him. Soon she would gather a following of people she’d bummed out looking for direction. She laughed lightly as reluctantly agreed with her, settling into her new position she was too close to the boy to get comfy so instead she threw her legs over his lap. Falling back on the couch she stared up at the ceiling, a rather content expression rested on her features. “method just extracts from the madness though, we wouldn’t want that.” glancing across at him she smirk deviously. There was in fact quite a lot of method to her own brand of madness, despite being highly impulsive, this impulsiveness would seem almost planned. She would decide suddenly that she wanted to her someone scream though the way in which she would achieve such a goal would be methodically planned. Kat wasn’t the sort of person to freak out if things changed though, it just made it more fun as far as she was concerned. In her own games she gave little thought to her own well being, several times had she put herself in danger on a whim or just because she wanted to get to somebody.

A sigh slipped past her lips but not one of boredom, she was quite happy in her current surroundings and even with her current company. Now she had seen a few of his extremes she was willing to calm just a little and give him the opportunity to become slightly more relaxed. She liked putting people on edge however you had to give them a break every now and then, it was only fair and besides it made their guard unrepentantly drop every once in a while. She had watched him for a moment, her eyes half lidded as she gazed at him from the now awkward angle however after a few moments of assessing his expressions her eyes closed fully. Fucking with people was harder work than you would have though, of course it was probably more stressful for her victims but that didn’t mean it required little effort from her. She would have to re-assess her currant company and what he would be handy for however now she just couldn’t be bothered. Maybe she would just wing it for the time being. Opening her eyes she delivered a slight smile, one that appeared quite normal as it would sometimes, the smile she smiled when she wasn’t thinking of terrible things. Katrina seemed to have a smile for every thought, if they were all logged then surely the doctors would be able to read her mind though nobody had that much patience.

Nudging his arm with her bare foot, her smile grew slightly. “I knew you weren’t your average soldier.” it was almost a smile of triumph however she was teasing him as well at his ease of being read. Of course she realized he was far more complex than she had initially thought but that would only make this more enjoyable for her. .

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[BENJAMIN KANST]

Ben felt his cheeks flush at her show of adoration. He felt like some adorable child being doted upon. It was rather embarrassing. He cleared his throat and looked away. Did she find his pathetic nature to be cute? He was half expecting to be patted on the head and then sent along. And she didn't answer his question either, which left him suddenly feeling very self conscious. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to make of her reaction. It was almost like he was her toy now. No, he was almost her toy, he really way just another plaything for her now. Even though she had driven him up a wall, he had a new respect for her. She had managed to solve what years of therapists had failed to do for him. All without the help of drugs either, so he was pretty darn impressed with her. The insane weren't all the crazy afterall, their ideas weren't psychotic, quite genius in fact. The world would be a much better place if only people would listen every once in a while. "You think it's sweet that I find myself pathetic?" He chuckled, shaking his head at the thought. "Not exactly the answer I was expecting." Then again, he couldn't expect anything from this girl. He had a feeling that no matter how close he could get to her, he would never be able to figure her out. So full of surprises and that only peaked his interest even more.

Fuck dealing with the logic. It was just so much easier to go with the flow. He was sick of trying to plan out what he was going to do. It wasn't like he could get in anymore trouble with the law. After all, they considered him crazy, so why not act like it? With that, he started to relax, finally feel a little more comfortable around Kat. He figured she wasn't the enemy, she seemed to be helping quite well, in the most bizarre manner of course. Once again his personal space was being invaded again but this time, he didn't really care. He even shifted to make himself more comfortable. "I'm still hoping that it'll all make sense. And then I keep realizing, that it's not supposed to. It's all quite mindboggling." He sighed in despair. "I must say, today has been more interesting than I thought it would be." And that was an understatement. Becoming impulsive had never been a thought for him. Being impulsive in a fight meant more mistakes, more chances to slip up. But now it didn't really matter did it? He could screw up all he want. There was nobody to judge. And even if the therapists thought they could heal him, he still wasn't getting out of here. So why not have a little fun, enjoy life while he still could?

The pounding in his head was starting to get better. No more yelling, the flashes had slowed to a trickle and he no longer felt so overwhelmed. In fact, he felt almost accomplished. In some odd way, this little encounter with Kat had left him quite content with the way things had turned out. He studied her closely, this time rethinking his original impression of her. As her eyes closed, he realized how tired he was. But there was no way he was going to sleep. After his outburst, he was feeling restless. He wanted to do something to cure the boredom. As he lifted his head to look at her, it seemed like she was resting, or maybe even sleeping. He arched in eyebrow in curiosity at her smile. It looked very out of place considering everything that just happened. A slight smile crossed his face at her comment and he could feel the heat rise in his cheeks again. Fuck, she was actually making him blush. That was the second time and he was starting to worry about himself. It wasn't often he found himself feeling embarrassed by someone. He managed a weak smile. "I never said I was average." Far from it actually. He sure had tried to be average but life had some very different plans for him.

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[KATRINA ROBYN MATTHEWS]

kat didn’t provide an answer to his question, not verbally at least however her expression quite simply said it all. a raised eyebrow and an almost cheeky smirk said it all. of course she found him sweet though she found different people adorable for completely different reasons, she couldn’t quite explain what made him sweet exactly, his naivety among a host of other little characteristics he had portrayed. Her ease of judging people came from years of being anti social, she was an intense people watcher and absolutely loved to just observe her own species. they were far better to watch than any other creature, so complex yet so predictable. it was even more fascinating when she developed a certain charm, enough to get close to people and really pick them apart. the only thing therapists were good for were the drugs they dished out so willingly, kat didn’t like taking her own pills though, that would be far too simple. the girl had a habit of taking them of those who wanted to rid themselves of their own medication. they would offer a range of experiences, some far more desirable than others. it wasn’t rare for her to fuck up and wake up in a dark hall several hours later. she would make an absolutely useless therapist, despite her clear lack of normal people skills she would spend her days taking the drugs meant for patients. “and when have i ever given you a predicable answer, keep up boy.” despite being a little - or a lot - twisted, she actually had a pretty decent sense of humour when it boiled down to it. you just had to get past her scarily sadistic self which ben seemed to have avoided so far. she was finding it for more entertaining to mess with him mentally rather than physically. she would have to find someone else to physically scar.

she wanted to be the cause of this change, in fact she would kill just to sit in on his next therapy session. hopefully he wasn’t just feeding her bullshit to keep her happy but instead he would become more reckless and chaotic. maybe she would even be lucky enough to be held responsible for the change. she loved to watch the way people responded to her, some just got angry, others decided she actually make some sense. whatever their reactions though it was always a power rush, kat after all was just as power hungry as those typical business executives only she had to go about it in various ways. she had little hope in physically overpowering someone and therefore had to rely on intellect and to put it bluntly, a great deal of mind fucking. if she displayed confidence and acted as if she was slightly superior, she would often get a degree of respect as if making herself appear larger, scarier physically by confusing the hell out of someone. she pulled a face at the term interesting, it was such a lacking adjective. the day had lacked any bloodshed so as far as kat was concerned it could have been far more interesting. ben however as her only source of amusement proved to be pretty damn good considering she had yet to wander off to find someone worth hurting or even turning on him. it was almost inevitable that at some point she would do something to mess up even this unsteady relationship. every relationship had it’s line and katrina always managed to cross it no matter what the distance was.

within a split second she had pushed herself up from her position, still with her legs draped across the boy she now pushed herself onto him as a makeshift seat. her reason for her sudden shift made obvious when she put her hand to his slightly reddened cheek. a curious smile tugged at her features as she felt the warmth of his skin. “i never knew you actually get warm when you blush, it’s always associated with heat but…” constantly trying to answer these curious little questions that struck her she had at least answered one. kat didn’t really ever blush, either her flesh was far too pale for such a trait to even reach her cheeks or she just lacked another emotion. it took a great deal to embarrass her, in fact she could never remember such a time when a blush would be required. sure, she had just highlighted his reaction however it wasn’t an attempt to try and make him blush even more but simply one of her slightly stranger yet harmless impulses. now once again over the threshold of personal space, she allowed her hand to drop yet didn’t move her position. still sitting against him, such things never appeared to have any affect on her at all, like it was perfectly normal. for kat though, it was, she liked being painfully close to people. it was even more fun when she was close enough to feel changes in their pulse. “ah, i prejudged you. i’m a hypocrite. forgive me?” she flashed a brilliant smile that just seemed to not quite for her character - or everything about her for that matter.

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[BENJAMIN KANST]

Though he was the older one, Ben felt much younger when he was talking to her. She had, for lack of a better word, maturity beyond her years. It was like a strange wisdom, the kind only found with age. Her raised eyebrow and smirk were enough to tell him what he needed to know. Sure, he was glad that she found him to be sweet but the reason, not so much. Oh he really needed to work on not being so pathetic. For once, he felt like he needed to be in control of his life. Not someone else, though for now he was content being under Kat's control. To him it wasn't that she was dominating, more guiding instead. He grinned at her statement, it was too true. His thought process was a little slow, it was still recovering from the complete mindfuck minutes earlier. "There's no chance for me to give my mind a break around you is there?" Nope, he was going to have to constantly be contemplating her strange logic. Now that he had grown used to her presence, he was much more comfortable. She knew most of his deep, dark secrets now. It was probably more than he'd ever told Alice and in some way, he didn't want to get on her bad sad, they were almost connected now. He was like a lost puppy who'd finally found a master. It was a pitiful comparison but the only good one he could come up with.

Her hand upon his cheek only caused him to become more flustered. His blush deepened. Her hand felt icy cold against his warm skin. It wasn't that he was embarrassed but he was taken by surprise by the sudden change in the atmosphere. Only a minute ago, he wanted to strangle her but now he felt like a child who just learned a lesson. The way he felt the last time she was so close to him was still a very confusing subject for him. He couldn't decide if he wanted to experience it again or completely ignore it. But with her in his lap it was very difficult to ignore that. And even though she moved her hand, her body was still pressed against him. The compression on his chest was making him very painfully aware of his pounding heartbeat. His hand unconsciously fell against her hip, it was the most comfortable and natural position for his hand to be in. A smirk crossed his face at her comment. Yeah right, was she actually asking him for forgiveness? It was quite comical. "I guess it couldn't hurt to forgive you." He smiled, a sense of sarcasm in his reply.

As he looked into her eyes again, a needing want came over him. It wasn't even an attraction to her that drove him but more his newly found obsession with trying to figure her out. If she wasn't predictable then why should he be? And he wasn't going to deny that he hadn't enjoyed the last kiss. In fact, when he pulled himself away there was a sense of disappointment. Sure, there was also a feeling that he had betrayed Alice's memories but this clash of emotions wasn't new. Maybe just going with his impulses would be significantly easier than trying to think. Because the whole thinking things through thing, wasn't really working. And when things didn't work, it was time to find a new method, even if it sounded crazy, He wasn't sure how she would react to another...fuck it. She was the one telling him to be reckless. "Goddammit. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself around you." Without giving it another thought, Ben pulled her into another kiss. He sure as hell didn't mind it last time.

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[KATRINA ROBYN MATTHEWS]

the relationship they seemed to be developing though odd, seemed to quite suit the both of them. rowan needed people to keep her busy, people she could play with and manipulate to her liking and ben actually seemed to be more comfortable under some form of control. whilst she was encouraging him to be reckless and independent, it wasn’t going to happen any time soon with her constantly leading him. the longer this went on, the more she would run him into the ground, the more she would fuck him up. it happened to absolutely everyone she took an interest in and one of the reasons she couldn’t possibly let herself get attached to any of them. they all got sick of her or too messed up to join in with her games sooner or later. the longer they lasted the harder she seemed to try and break them, kat couldn’t help it though, despite seemingly in control it was of course that nagging sadistic disorder that forced her to be such a way. maybe she would have had a chance at being half decent without it. you wouldn’t catch her complain though, her disorder was so much a part of her that without it she simply wouldn’t be. doctors who asked her how she would feel if they could help her overcome it were met with quite a baffled teenager, she couldn’t possibly imagine herself without these irresistible needs. “you could always go away. that’d clear your head.” her tones were confidant, as if she knew he wasn’t going to just get up and leave. he was benefiting from her games just as much as she though for kat there wasn’t really a downside, she could still think with perfect clarity.

she laughed lightly however it came to an abrupt halt when she realized he was now just staring at her. she knew that look, most had to go through some dragged out process of thought before kissing her so she had seen enough delays to notice them. did he have the nerve to go for it though? she raised a brow, almost questioning him however she didn’t dare break his train of thought, instead she wanted too much to see the outcome. only the start of a smile was able to reach her lips in reaction to her comment however it was short lived as became distracted with his kiss. immediately she had sunk against him, closing the slight gap between their bodies and forcing the kiss into more fiercely passionate grounds. kat wasn’t comfortable being all nice and intimate with someone she hardly knew, or at least hadn’t known for very long. overcoming this she simply became ruthless as if she didn’t give a shit about the other person and on some pretty big level it was true but she also knew that what she often did for kicks was also not totally terrible for the other person involved. her mind however now had stopped working, despite knowing on some level that it was coming, she wasn’t used to people actually kissing her and it threw her off and caused her to react automatically as most would when kissed. one hand lifted and traced his face to rest quite delicately against his neck, her other had snaked to his waist and worked it’s way up his chest, under his shirt.

at first she only grazed his skin with her fingers, exploring it to a degree being oddly affectionate with her touches. she deepened the kiss, giving him no choice in the matter as her tongue slowly snuck along his bottom lip before giving it a light nip and parting his lips with her tongue. still being weirdly normal for the time being, her lack of any affection be it ordinary or violent had clearly had an impact on her and her body had managed to knock off the fuse that connected her logical thinking. her thumb brushed the flesh of his throat however within a second it changed. she tore her touch from his neck and instead wound her fingers into his hair, giving a sharp tug she pulled his head back exposing his throat. her nails dug into his chest, relatively blunt but they seemed to be trying their best to force their way under his skin, to break his flesh. the girl leaned up, still straddling his waist but supporting her own weight so she could lean over him and give him a rather nasty glare. her pulse was racing and he had clearly freaked her out if anything, not because of the kiss itself but the fact that he had actually done it and more so she had lost the ability to think straight during it. Instead of her usually charmingly haunted tones, they were now bitter and forced under what could only be described as a growl. “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” the girl scalded as if he should have known better.

it took her a few moments to calm her racing thoughts as she still stared at him with little give. slowly, her hardened expression softened and quite soon turned into what was almost a smirk. in her little world, she was the one in charge and the only one who got to start anything or freak the hell out of anyone. ben’s decision had apparently challenged this and someone challenging the control, the authority she had always split her right down the middle. part of her loved conflict, she absolutely adored people trying to gain the upper hand when it came to her however the other half was pissed off as hell when someone even tried. It was a lose, lose situation for the other person involved. she seemed to overcome her little outburst and soon leaned down to kiss him again, this time more forceful, her nails still implanted firmly into his skin and slowly dragging down his chest with all the force she had. she didn’t care if he didn’t like it, like an alpha dog asserting their authority over an omega. she slowly let go of his hair, sinking back into his lap however, he hand still remained at the back of his head almost as if it was an ongoing warning, a threat. her fingers against his chest relaxed, her palm outstretched gentle as she stroked slowly down it side, her touch become more gentle until without warning her nails once more clawed into his skin sharply at his waist this time. the fact that he had felt comfortable enough to kiss her had very almost scared her, she wanted that loathing from him again or at least some sort of fear.

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