I'm Not Alone [MAX]

[ELIZABETH MILLER]

Okay, she was going to be bold today. She would eat her first meal in the cafeteria, where the patients ate, actually with them. She could have ate in the staff lounge but she didn't want to come off as distant, which she wasn't. Much to what people might think she did care for the patients in these doors. She cared for people in general and wanted to help them and she wasn't going to help them by building a wall between her and them.

She just hoped in time they would learn to trust her. She was open for therapy sessions too when the psychiatrist ,counselors or psychologist were swamped with too many sessions. Being she did have a background in psychiatry. However she was mostly here to prescribe medications, monitor any health conditions a patient might have. Then of course treat them if anything serious was to happen. She also did physicals and typical checkups.

She knew this would be much different than what she was used to. She would be seeing these patients everyday. Not like back in Chicago where she rarely ever saw the same patient twice and everything was chaos, everyday. She would miss the thrill and high of being an ER doctor, but she was here and everything happened for a reason she liked to believe.

Dinner was to start in exactly three minutes so people would start crowding in. She already had her own. She had some chicken noodle soup, half of a tuna sandwich and a bottle of water. Right now she was listening to her beloved iPod as Bon Jovi blasted in her ears. She couldn't help but sing along with the song as 'Livin on Prayer' came on. She sort of moved about in her chair forgetting that patients were about come in.

She couldn't help it, she loved music and it always made her want to dance. Music was the one thing that always made her day better no matter how bad it had been. Music was her sanity or her anti drug or whatever one wanted to call it. People were starting to come in and she was still oblivious as she continued to be in her world of music and Bon Jovi.

[max]

Max had been having an absolutely horrible day. Once again. Every time he had to meet with his therapist, the damn guy ruined his whole day. Just made everything impossible to deal with. Which is why when he walked into the cafeteria after getting his food and spotted Dr. Miller, his doctor, he made a line straight for her table. He needed to talk to her. She was the only one that could switch his therapist. In fact the doctors around here had the power to do everything. They weren't there to listen to your story. Only make sure you were comfortable and healthy. But Dr.Miller took an extra step. She actually cared and that was why Max liked her. She didn't sugar coat anything or try to lie to him which he respected. He liked it when people were straight forward and didn't treat him like a child. He wasn't a child after all. He was twenty eight god damned years old. He didn't need some therapist talking down to him. He dropped his tray on the table and sat in the seat right across from the doctor.

He smirked at her as she danced along to her music, ignoring the rest of the world. He found it funny to see her in such a rare form. He waved his hand around in front of her, hoping to get her attention. "Hey Doc, I've been looking for you everywhere."

[/color] He said when he finally got her attention. He hoped that she didn't mind him sitting with her. He wasn't exactly the most friendly looking guy. With all the make up and the dark hair and crazy gothic clothes he could be taken the wrong way. People around here thought he was crazy. Well, more crazy than the normal crazy. Seeing as everyone in here was crazy in some way. But Max was the one that looked insane. Not to mention he was a complete asshole to everyone apart from the staff. He'd learned to be nice to them for the pure fact that they could take his priveledges away. Which meant he wouldn't be able to wear make up. And he hated not wearing make up. More than a woman hated not wearing make up.

He bit one of his nails as he pushed around some spaghetti on his plate. Although the patients weren't allowed to have nail polish Max found ways of keeping his nails black. On this occasion he had painted them with paint from the art room. The paint was already chipping off though and he'd only painted them this morning. He had to deal with it though. And he had dealt with it for over a year now. He was hoping Doctor Miller would sign his release forms soon so he could get the hell out of this place. But he wouldn't pressure her about it. [/blockquote][/blockquote]

[ELIZABETH MILLER]

She hadn't been here for very long but she had already taken the liberty to remember, everyone's name here, well the patients anyway. She didn't know every single staff's name yet. Most of them she didn't really care to get to know because some of them had a rather cold attitude and quite frankly she didn't like it. Reminded her of her parents, she had never gotten along with them. Then when they found out she had stripped to get through school they had pretty much disowned her and she hadn't spoken to them since. Well, it suited her quite fine. She didn't need people like that in her life. As horrible as that sounded. She knew they were her parents, they had the same blood but they were completely different people. Complete polar opposites.

She remembered her last words with them, they hadn't been pretty. They had told her she was slut and she would ruin any career she might ever have and they were ashamed to have her as their daughter. She had hung up on them and that was the last time they had spoken. So to her they had pretty disowned her by choosing such a harsh choice of words. She could have said something hurtful back, but she didn't want to be more like them, she was nothing like them and would never be.

At this point she turned up the volume to her iPod, trying to drown out her thoughts and didn't even realize someone was trying to catch her attention but after a few minutes she saw Max Seville was sitting in front of her trying to get her to snap out of her daze. She smiled at him and took her earplugs off. “Sorry, sometimes I get carried away, please tell me nobody else saw that” She said looking around glad to see it seemed that nobody else had noticed. Not a lot of people had even come in yet, at lunch people had pretty much come in like five after. “So what's on your mind? You're not looking too happy at the moment” She said looking at him, studying his demeanor. She was pretty good at reading people and he didn't look too thrilled at the moment. People often wondered how she say someone didn't look happy in a place like this. As if they always looked unhappy, but there were times when people were extra upset about something. Not to mention she wouldn't be happy herself if she was locked away like some caged animal.

She had read his file, she had read everyone's file. She didn't like some of the things that were in his file. Not really because of his own actions but the actions of other people. She just hated judgmental people. Who were they to care if someone was different? Everyone was different if they weren't the world would be a very boring place. Max was also highly intelligent and quite creative from what she understood. His mother had sent him here after he had been released from prison. He had some run in with drugs and some other things. He seemed a lot more together than most of the patients she had met so far, yet he had been here the longest. She couldn't just release him yet though she didn't know him well enough yet. Though she did believe people were sent to places like this because they were misunderstood.

[max]

Max couldn't help but feel comfortable around someone who was so informal for such a formal job. She treated people with respect, no matter what they had done or what kind of mental issues they were facing. He respected that very much. He felt lucky that he'd ended up with her as his doctor because he had it easy. Everyone else bitched about their doctor. Most of the patients hated their doctor, apart from Dr. Miller's patients. He'd dealt with some pretty fucked up doctors. The last time he'd ended up in an asylum his Doctor had been a recovering drug addict who had a grudge against anyone who had also used drugs. Like he was a fucking Saint now or something. A lot of people would think that doctors are some of the best people in the world but it's far from true. Only some of them hold that title.

Max tried to recall the last thing him and Dr. Miller had talked about. He hadn't seen her in a few days but he recalled telling her about how excited he was to be almost done in this place. He didn't know how close she was to releasing him. He'd been doing everything right. Behaving himself. He was on the highest awards level. He'd earned all of his priveledges. Where other patients weren't allowed to use make up or go wherever they wanted in the building. Max could. Of course he had to tell a staff member where he was going but other than therapy sessions and meetings with Dr. miller he didn't have to follow the schedule that the other patients did. Good behavior meant more freedom and he had leanred that one quick.

Max looked around after her comment and saw only a few other people. He didn't think they'd been paying much attention. They were other staff members sitting at a table together. He wondered why she hadn't sat with them and had instead opted to sit at an empty table where patients could easily come and harass her like he was doing right now. "It's possible but I don't think anyone was paying much attention."

[/color] He answered as he pushed a piece of his long black hair away from his face. He'd been considering getting his hair cut but hadn't acted on that thought yet. "What's on my mind is how much of a douche bag my therapist is. I know you told me to try and work with him but at this point I just want to punch the man in the face. I don't know what his problem is. He's so judgmental toward me and he assumes he knows me because of my damn file which he clings to. It's like he's got this preconceived idea of who I am and I can't do anything to change his mind. I'd really appreciate it if you assigned me a different therapist. Working with him has been doing more harm than good for me."[/color] He said, just the thought of that vile man made him want to break things. He hoped she would understand this time that he really couldn't deal with him anymore. He had tried to work with him and it just hadn't been working out too well.[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[ELIZABETH MILLER]

It seemed like most of the patients were comfortable around her. She wasn't like the other doctors here or really any of the staff, aside from Jakob. She really liked the fact he was just as relaxed and down to earth as she was, especially with the patients. A lot of the staff already didn't like her, because she was supposed to be a doctor and not be friends with the patients which was even more looked down upon than a counselor, but she didn't care. They couldn't fire her for being nice and she didn't need their approval because she couldn't give a rats ass. The only opinions she liked was people she actually liked and most of the staff she didn't. Aside from one or two doctors and a few others. She did not like Max's therapist at all, in fact she nearly despised the man. She had tried to reason with the man but it had not gone well. They had exchanged some words and that had been that.

Last time her and Max had talked he had been talking about being able to leave this place soon. She had told him she couldn't make that decision just yet, as she hadn't known him long enough. However from the time she had known him he didn't really belong here. He hadn't had any breakdowns or shown any violence in months; nearly six months which was half a year. He was one of the most well behaved patients but she also knew he was highly intelligent too and knew how to act to get what he wanted . Though, it would be very hard to put an act on for so long, especially one with temperamental problems Which was practically impossible to control, and he hadn't had issues with that. So she did believe he should be released very soon. However she couldn't completely release patients just yet. She hadn't been hired too long ago and she had to work here for six months before she could release anyone on her own though she could recommend it. She hadn't even known that until yesterday when she had actually been talking about Max.

She looked to the staff table, none of them were paying attention they were probably too engulfed in gossiping. She did not sit with them because she didn't like the particular people siting at that table. She didn't dislike all the staff though just certain one's. She didn't dislike people usually but it seemed like this place was swarming with the assholes of the world. She couldn't help but smirk when he said her therapist was douche. That he was. Actually she had almost slapped him when they had their confrontation but she had stopped herself. “Well, I think it's pretty much impossible to reason with the unreasonable” She said looking up at him. She wasn't going to tell him to try harder because she had learned for herself what a nasty and condescending man he really was. He had really upset her that day. Saying she had only gotten this job because she was pretty and had probably slept her way though med school. She probably could get him for harassment but she wasn't going to waste her time or energy as long as he kept his mouth shut for now on, otherwise he would be missing a certain organ on his body.

“Well that is because he is programmed that way, that is the problem with robots you can't ever win” That was what she thought of him he was another robot therapist who patronized their patients and thought everyone was the same. Who thought they were better than everyone. “Listen I don't know if you've heard yet but they have me doubling as a therapist. I'm here to fill in when other therapist can't work their sessions but I can also take on a few patients fully. So if you are interested, I can be your therapist and you won't have to worry about being subjected to his supercilious attitude” She said in slight detest. She knew she shouldn't talk so ill about other staff, especially in front of a patient but she couldn't help it. Everything said about him was all rightly justified.

[max]

The relief that came over Max when he heard that Dr. Miller agreed with him was soothing. He loved that she was so understanding. He had never met a doctor who too more initiative to make her patients comfortable. He'd been in and out of these place since he was in elementary school. Not one doctor had treated him like he was a normal, sane person before. The reality of the matter was that he didn't need to be here. He had depression. He wasn't some kind of monster. He'd never killed anyone. He had never done anything insanely crazy. He just had issues with himself. He had a chemical inbalance in his brain. And some doctors treated him like an alien. Dr.Miller didn't and that is why he liked her. If he believed in God he might actually thank him for her. But he didn't believe in things he couldn't see. Especially god. Maybe that was why he'd turned out the way he did. His parents had been the church going type. But he had lost faith around the same time he lost his mind. If there was a god he wouldn't have put Max through all this bullshit. That was how he saw it.

He shook the thought of religion and moved on. He didn't want to spend his time thinking about things he didn't believe in. He'd rather focus on the things he did. Like how he was sure that Dr. Miller's idea was going to work perfectly. If he worked this well with her as his doctor than he was sure he would work well with her as his therapist. He smiled. An actual genuine smile. "You're amazing. I would absolutely love for you to make that change happen as soon as possible. I don't even want to see him anymore. That is how angry he has me. I can't work to get better if this guy keeps pushing me down."

[/color] max knew she didn't completely trust him. He understood that. He'd had his episodes. He'd freaked out on the staff many times. But it hadn't happened in months. His eyes had been opened in a way that they never had before. Max had always been the asshole drug addict. For once he didn't feel like he needed drugs and for once he felt comfortable in his own skin. That was a big improvement for him. Not once in his life did he feel comfortable with who he was. He was sure that he was who he was. He was happy with his image and how he acted. He was just never sure that others would accept him. So called "normal people" would never accept him before. But now that he was giving people like Dr. Miller a chance to get to know him and understand who he was, he could be in a room full of "normal" people and feel comfortable in his own skin. That revelation was important to him.

He didn't know much about the Doctor sitting in front of him but he knew one thing he wanted to know. She had never told him her first name and for some reason he had always wanted to know. All of the counselors went by their first names and he liked that. Even the teachers went by first name. But the doctors and therapists never did. Sure they were higher up on the totem pole of this place but why couldn't they go by their first names? Were they afraid to relate to the patients too much? Did they feel uncomfortable sharing that information? He figured she could either say yes or no. So he'd ask anyways. "Would it be too bold of me to ask if I can call you by your first name. That is one of the things I respect the most about the counselors here. They let us call them by their first name. So I was kind of wondering if you might give me that same respect, possibly?"[/color] He hoped she would say yes but he was unsure. He didn't want to overstep her boundaries but at the same time he wanted to feel like she respected him as much as he respected her. They were both adults. He didn't want to be treated like a child.[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[ELIZABETH MILLER]

Of course she had agreed with him. She had seen just the kind of man he really was and didn't like it. She had even tried to reason with him but it had been futile. It took a lot for her to really dislike someone and he had pushed her and he'd better not keep pushing or she might push back. She had a high tolerance for a lot of things but not people like him. He was a callous man, who's heart was probably made of a block of ice. She was actually disgusted with him. The thought was upsetting that people had to deal with him and he had to work here. He didn't give a damn about any patients and only made their problems worse. He wasn't helping them only hurting him, but there was nothing she could do but take some of his patients away from him. If she had it her way she would have gotten rid of him but she did not have that power so it wasn't going to happen. Though she could do something if he kept harassing her. He was like a leech, or a vampire he sucked the life out of everything. Max was not a monster as the therapist so harshly referred to him. His mental stability was much better than any of the patients here. He was depressed, most Americans were but they weren't locked away for it. Sure he had a history but nothing recent, people got better and he was doing well. She didn't doubt he had a serotonin imbalance but that could be easily treated. He had a decent home life growing up nothing crazy like most of the patients. Then again his parents had been religious and if they were the kind to shove religion down his throat, he had a little reason to be a little crazy. She didn't believe in god herself. If there was a god, the world would be a better place and it wasn't. She wasn't a cynic but the world was dark and bad things happened in it.

She had always been an atheist and growing up she had really only gone to church on Christmas and Easter, because her parents had made her, because they had to go twice a year to look good in the community and so they could make their donations and get into heaven, at least that what the church told them. Her parents had of course believed, thinking they could buy there way into life after death. When the truth was you rotted in the ground, probably polluting the earth even more. She really did sound cynical, but that was her view, it was realistic not cynical. It didn't really matter as her views weren't that relevant to her work. “The man is like an epidemic, he infects everyone around him, making things worse” He really had no idea how much he had pissed her off. He seemed to piss a lot of people off and she really wished he would piss off the wrong people. “Sorry, I probably shouldn't talk to illy about colleagues in front of patients, even if what's said is true” She said apologizing for not being professional though she really wasn't all that professional but that was probably crossing the line a little, saying that about another staff member. However it did feel good to vent, and it wasn't like she could vent to other staff who seemed to like the man.

She heard him ask if he could call her by her first name she didn't have a problem with it. She wasn't much for formalities. He wasn't a child they were both adults so she didn't see why he couldn't call her by her first name, she probably wouldn't even care if a child called her by her first name either. “Seeing as you aren't a child and are an adult, I don't have a problem with it, I don't see the point in you calling me Dr. Miller all the time, if you don't like to. My name is Elizabeth but even that's too formal, so you can just call me Liz, everyone else does” She said with a smile. Well not everyone the patients still called her Dr. Miller but that could change but everyone else called her Liz, with the exception of Max's former therapist who called her Elizabeth because he thought it would get under her skin. He really was a piece of work.

[max]

Max was amused by how Liz was talking about her co-worker. Technically speaking she wasn't supposed to share those feelings with a patient. It was too personal. If at any point a doctor's relationship with their patient started to become personal, and another staff member noticed, that doctor's job would be in danger. Of course his relationship with Liz was far from that. In fact this was the first time she had ever revealed much of anything about her own feelings on life. Nobody was really paying much attention to what they were saying so he was sure that Liz was safe and so was he. He'd been accused of having an inappropriate relationship with a doctor before. When he was last in an asylum. Another staff member had caught him and his doctor discussing what she had bought her daughter for Christmas. Apparently a simple conversation like that was deemed too personal. Max hated that. Because he was always one of the oldest patients. He connected better with the staff members than the patients. The patients were all significantly younger than him. Max was almost ten years older than the average patient in Crescent Hills. It kind of made him realize just how much he needed to get over this and get on with his life. Not that he could get over depression. It was more that he needed to face that he would have to deal with this for the rest of his life. He'd have to take medication and see a therapist. He hadn't faced that before but he was starting to accept that more and more with every passing day. He just hoped that Liz could see he was ready to get out of here. It had been a long year and he was ready to be done with this place.

He smirked when Liz said she shouldn't be talking illy of her colleagues. "No, you shouldn't. Especially not to patients. It's too personal. You can get in big trouble for telling me that that guy is an asshole."

[/color] Max ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed. He didn't know what they could talk about that wouldn't be deemed too personal. He tried to think. "We should be talking about me. If we aren't talking about me then you're a criminal. Didn't you know that?"[/color] He joked. Although Max seemed to have a darker personality. He did have a sense of humor. He was starting to lighten up. To be less stereotypically goth. He was laughing and smiling and socializing with the other patients. Max had never tried to find himself a place with other people but now he was. He found that when he was less angry and reserved around people they accepted him more. He just had to be himself.

Max was glad to hear that she wouldn't mind letting him call her by her first name. This was allowed. She wouldn't get in trouble for letting patients call her by her first name. Max found that to be completely stupid. A doctor could reveal their whole name but they could not tell a patient what they got their kid for Christmas? Telling a patient what you got for your kid was a lot less dangerous and giving them your full name. With a full name a patient could stalk their doctor upon release. Not that Max had any plans to do so. He was the stalking type. Not only that but there were millions of Elizabeth Miller's out there. It would be a waste of time to even try if he really felt the need to. [/blockquote][/blockquote]

[ELIZABETH MILLER]

She couldn't help but smile as she he spoke, referring him to an asshole. She didn't know what is about Max but she liked the way he presented himself and wasn't afraid to speak his mind. She knew it was not a good idea to think that way about a patient but what was wrong with liking your patients in a friendly manner? Was it a crime to want to befriend people these days? He knew he didn't like how they couldn't talk about anything constructive she didn't like it either. She heard him speak again. “Well I guess they better lock me away then, or maybe I should be on America's Most Wanted for being too nice to people. They say that is a capitol crime these days” He was joking and she was joking and even that was looked down upon. No wonder people hardly got better here, or ended up coming back. All the therapist were sticks in the mud. It really seemed that Max had started getting better with her arrival. She didn't know why but she felt relaxed around Max. He made her think less about her own troubles. Then again focusing on other peoples troubles all the time tended to make you forget your own.

She had always been somewhat of a personal person. She liked to get involved too much and she new it was a flaw, more than it wasn't. She just hated that man for saying the things he had. She had not slept her way through med school. She would never sleep with someone to get ahead. She had worked extremely hard to get through college. She had worked several jobs and fortunately for her when she took this job they took her tab on tuition debt. Not to mention she pretty much got a free roof over her head and free food when she wanted. She couldn't complain. She sent her mother some money every month, because her mom had always been there and had put a roof over her head to save money through college. She never once blamed her for her brother's death, even though it was her fault and her father so clearly made point of that. She never did talk with her father, ever since her brother's death they had grown very distant but her father had been doing so even before that. She knew she should be careful because other staff members might take notice and that would not be a good thing. She did think that, they were a bit strict on what was too personal. You weren't even aloud to talk about your life outside the hospital, it was actually pretty absurd. Frankly she thought talking about such things would help patients open up more. How can someone open up and trust someone when they can't reveal anything about themselves? She looked at Max and wished she could do more to get him out of here, but she didn't have that power yet only a voice. “Listen Max I'm going to be honest with you. I know you are anxious to get out of here, and I do think you a ready to venture out in the world but unfortunately I don't have the power to release patients based on my solo decision yet. They have a six month trial and I've been here for about two of those. The only thing I can do is try get another doctor to release you” She said knowing he probably wouldn't like her words but she couldn't help it. That was what she had been told and there wasn't much she could do. There were even talks about having a double agreement on release now. The patients therapist and a doctors approval, which was good in theory but not always relative.

She knew she had her own troubled past. In fact she had similar stories to some of the patients here. She had grew up in the ghetto, but it wasn't so bad actually. For the most part she had loving parents. Her father had only become an alcoholic when she was a teenager. That was when the fighting began and the tearing of her family started. She had rebelled, gotten into a world of drugs, breaking the law on a daily basis and in the end it got her brother shot and killed when it should have been her to take the bullet. He had saved her and it cost him his life and it was something she would never forget even if she repressed it at times. It had made her somewhat cynical, and sometimes judgmental. Though she wasn't judgmental with most people she did judge people harshly who deliberately did things to hurt people or refused to help themselves. Those kind of people she could not tolerate.